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Ever want to slap the crap out of someone who says this to you?

I know this has got to be extremely hard to endure, but we should remember that there’s a reason for everything that happens in the world.

I’ll go you one better.  I not only want to slap the living piss out of people who say it to ME, but I also want to severely shake those who I hear say it to ANYONE, or even as just a general observation on life.  Just knowing that people say it and actually THINK they are being wise and considerate when they do, CHAPS MY HIDE to the exploding point.

Oh Yeah!?  O.K. then, what’s the reason, huh?  Huh?  HUH?  Oh come ON, oh wise and ancient philosopher, give me what you got! How about it, Aristotle, speak up!  Don’t give me Ecclesiastes, please?  Yeah, yeah. “For everything there is a season and blah blah blah.”  It’s NOT the same thing, ok?  I get that all things come in a certain ordered time and place, and as a result of cause and effect.  It’s hard as hell to “cast away stone,” unless you “gather them” up first.  And just how the crap can anyone fully understand war and peace without experiencing them both at one time or another.  And this is NOT saying there is a reason.  GROW A BRAIN!  Huh?  Come on, Plato.  Hit me with your best shot.

Is it a mystery of God that will not be revealed until we are made perfect in Him?

OH PUHLLEEZE!

Alright, look.  I’m going to break down and admit something here.

I believe very well that there may very well be a reason for everything.  Didn’t say I didn’t, did I?  Well?  Go back and look if you MUST.  You AIN’T going to find me disputing it.  Nope.

O.K.  So, let’s say that there IS a reason for everything.  What earthly good can it do to tell someone that who is currently going through a very bad patch because something horrible has happened?  tell me someone who hears this “sage” advice who HASN’T had something horrible happen to them recently.

WHAT!?  You just recently hit the MegaMillions for 135 MILLION dollars!?  Well, you know . . . there’s a reason for everything . . .  WHAT!?  The woman you love more than life itself, just agreed to MARRY you!?  Oh dear, well, you know . . . there’s a reason for everything . . .

Well, to be fair, sometimes it is said after what is supposedly a good event.  It happened to me lately.  I was SUPPOSED to die, but didn’t!  I had a Do Not Resuscitate Order while I was in the hospital and I choked on aspirated vomit and they resuscitated me!

My pastor said, when informed that there was  DNR order for me, you guessed it, “Well, you know, there’s a reason for everything.”

YES!  And the reason was I DIDN’T LEAVE THE FUCKING ORDER LAYING OUT WHERE IT COULD BE SEEN BEFORE THEY SHOVED A BIG GIANT TUBE DOWN MY THROAT!

God didn’t have anything to do with it.  I filled out the form, and signed it, and dopey from pain killers, stuffed it down inside a bag instead of laying it out on my hospital tray.

Do you understand?  I did NOT want to be resuscitated and took steps to prevent it, and they did anyway, because I screwed up!  In such an event as what happened I WANTED to be allowed to croak.  My perfectly reasonable and legal desires were subverted because I was stoned out of my mind.

And it was interpreted as A GOOD thing for which there was a mysterious “reason.”  BULL SHIT!  I didn’t WANT a big tube in my lungs.  I figured if God wanted to take me at ANY time and was serious enough about it to try to CHOKE ME TO DEATH or WHATEVER, then “Hey, Big Man, go ahead.  I stopped having any fun a long time ago anyway.”

“Oh Hamilton.  Praise the Lord!  You know there’s a reason for everything!

Yeah, Yeah Yeah.  I get it.  I screwed up.  No fair rubbing my nose in it especially while I’m already feeling like I’ve been run over by a train here in I.C.U..  Can we move on now, preacher?

O.K. Enough of that.  I think I made that point . . ..

Where the hell was I?  Let’s try to keep this Choo Choo from derailing.

So there’s a reason.  I don’t care if it’s the Divine Hand of the Maker of the Universe or just simple Newtonian Cause and Effect.  999 times out of 1000, the reason can be figured out if you give it the old Newtonian College Try.  Apply a little logic to the soup.  I bet you can come up with a more than reasonable hunch.  But, why would you necessarily WANT to or even freakin’ care??

Something bad happened, ‘kay?  Let it go.  Move on.  If you feel that in order to prevent its recurrence you should examine the cause, then go for it.  But, please please please don’t YOU come up to me and rub my nose in my own misery by pointing out something that’s painfully obvious or even indecipherable due to its Cosmic Origins!

DANG!  I could go on and on . . .  But I think it’s time to shut this rant down.  Don’t you?  Shut it down?  Why now, just when I’m really starting to roll?  Well, you know, there’s a reason for everything.

ham

p.s. sometimes the reason for things is nothing more complicated than simple stupidity or gross incompetence . . .

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