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In May of 2010, two years ago this month, I first filed an application with Social Security Administration for Supplementary Security Income (SSI).  Approval for this application depends on proven disability and inability to work.  Two years ago this month.

Two years later, after uncounted doctor’s visits, two denials, and two appeals, I came to the last appeal.  The last appeal came in front of a Social Security Administration administrative law judge.  I took a lawyer.  Stupid, I’m not.

The reason it is called the “last” appeal is because whatever the decision is of the judge, it will end the process.  There is no appeal from this next decision.  It stops here, for better or worse.

The hearing was April 17th.  They told me that a decision would be issued in 2 to 4 weeks.  The beginning of that two week period is this Tuesday, May 3rd.  Then I begin to wait for the last time.  For the last time.  That phrase has a comforting ring.  It marks the end of uncertainty.  It marks the end of hope.  Fulfilled or dashed: hope ends and so too suffering in anticipation.  The end of suffering; how glorious will that be?

So now the waiting to wait is over and all that is left for me is to wait — simply wait.